omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
