i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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