you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
