I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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