Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
