i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He passed out mid-signature
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
