the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
