Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
