The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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