i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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