I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
