your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
