Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
