I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize