He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
