She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
