It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
