so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
