I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
