Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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