it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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