my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
