so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
