One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
