I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
