Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize