I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
