sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
