omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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