you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize