I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize