i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize