then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
