It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
