You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
