I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
