just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
