we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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