I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
