see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
