he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
