i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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