He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
