i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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