hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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