I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
