I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
