the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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