i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
