i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
