Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
