I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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