Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
