Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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