Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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