If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
