Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
