Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
