apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
