you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
