i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
