were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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