he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she peed on how many people?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
