i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
