Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
