Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
