I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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