I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
