yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
