therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i drank out of a bidet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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