I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
