So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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